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How Much Have I Spent on Kinky Toys Over The Years?

I’m not sure if this will depress me or enthrall me. I’m going to work out how much I’ve spent on kinky toys in my lifetime.

Here goes…

Let’s start when I was 18. I mail-ordered (yes… mail-ordered) a few bits. I think it was some bondage tape, some condoms and this very thin plastic loop thing that went round the base of your nob.   

It was pretty useless but it felt good to have my first ‘sex toy’.

Total so far £30. (Insert the cliche ringing of a till here)

A few months later I received a free train ticket in the post. Some sort of offer to remind us all that the humble train is a fine mode of transport and isn’t exhobinately overpriced and painfully unreliable. 

Fuck that! All I cared about was perverting this offer and going to a proper sex shop in London.

Off I went to Honour in Waterloo and got myself a gag, some cuffs, some mag, some rope, and a little rubber thong that squashed my bollocks up everytime I wore it.

Best I can remember… I spent around £140. 

It wasn’t long before I went back again. Got myself some rubbery bits, more cuffs, some more magazines… I can’t quite remember but I think I spent about £100 that time round.

(I’d love a little button, right here so you could tap it and hear a low-fidelity ‘ker-ching’ sound effect. Think Windows 95.)

Over the next few years, I brought the odd thing here and there. Only to get rid of it all during a “I’m not sure if I’m into all this anymore” moment.

Maybe £200-£300 

Late 20’s now… I joined the fetish scene… time to start building up a proper collection.

I needed some attire for kink clubs. Got myself some medium size latex trousers and a top. Wore the trousers a few times but they just were a little too baggy. I bought some smaller ones, which then got caught on a rather nice ladies corset closure hoop. It made a small hole right on the willy area before bursting wide open. 

Oh yeah and a nice hood… which also broke eventually but was fun whilst it lasted.

Latex total: £80 + £80 + £80 + £90 + £90 = £420

Ok… a modest amount on latex.

Rope. I’ve been quite fortunate in that I’ve always seemed to inherit rope. Last year I got myself some nice shiny rope from Etsy. More recently I bought some proper shibari rope for about a hundred quid.

Rope: £90 + £100 = £190

Oh and  some scratchey coconut rope too: £20

A big bunch of carabiners too: £80

Got a vacbed once, I think it cost around. £180

Then there was the Doxy 3… ahh the spunkings! That was about £150 with a bum add-on.

Bought these gorgeous leather belts with rungs every few centimeters of the whole belt. Started with eight. Found it wasn’t quite enough for some proper restraint, so I bought 20 more. £120

Right, let’s get through this… (this list started out chronologically but now it’s just what’s popping into my head.)

Gym bench used solely for kink: £50

Fancy ankle and wrist cuffs: £100

Gags… ball, inflatable, tube. About £130

Oh yeah… and a big muzzle gag that was about £180.

And some rubbery things that turn your hands into useless little mittens! I love them! They were about £40.

What about that corset I bought as a bit of entry level cross dressing. Popped it on, strapped it up only for the thing to instantly explode! That was £18.

Then I got a big suitcase to put everything in. That was a rather reasonable £30. (I think.)

Poppers. Whilst they’re only a few quid a bottle. I’ve bought fuck loads over the years! 

At one point I decided to buy about nine at once to test which one was the best. I came home from work and was met with a toxic cloud as I entered my room. 

Had to bin the lot! I’ve since discovered smell proof bags.

I’d say around £100 over the years.

(Reader… please play safe when it comes to inhalants!)

Lubes and latex cleaner! All sorts. Usually from Meo or Pjur. Hard to remember but I’d say around £70 over the years.

Leather bulldog harness from Meo: £90 (I think)

Then there was the funny rebreather thing that never really worked as well as I hoped. That was around £90.

My beautiful flogger, that was around £100.

Room dividers. This was for a stint on OnlyFans that didn’t really go anywhere… do they count? They were £60 (I think).

Sexy, big-arsed Nu Rocks for £250 (I really should’ve looked on eBay first but they were so nice that I had to splurge! And then I spent £250.)

Quite a few bum toys… a slim one, a very wide one that hurt like fuck, an electro one, a remote controlled, vibrating one and a rather basic one for getting things started. 

£20 + £18 + £40 + £80 + £10 = £168  

A gaming chair… does that count? I brought it to sit on… I also have enjoyed many an indulgent wank on said chair. I’m going to include it: £100

What about the 3D printer? Does that count? I did use it for making kinky toys… I’ll include it: £200. 

Then there’s the biggest expense of all. All the fet clubs. the tickets, the petrol, the train fares, the drinks… I have no idea how much it all cost. But I’ll go for a guess of around £1000.

Anything else? Just had a look through my big old kinky box… I think that’s everything.

Let’s add it all up…

Bear with me whilst I port this over to Excel.

£4,156

Worth.

Every.

Fucking.

Penny!

Let me know if you think? To me that’s a lot. What do you think?

How much have you spent? Want to spend more? Want to spend less? Let me know in the comments below.

Bakji

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